I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
