I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
A bitchslap is in order.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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