I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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