so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize