my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
