Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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