4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
