Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
