How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
