His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
