whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
