I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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