i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sext me about skeletons
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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