insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
