so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just pee around me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
