Christians are straight up FREAKS
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
