Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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