Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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