if i can run in heels then i can drive
my phone needs a breathalizer
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
