Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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