I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
