The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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