I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
