I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
