he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
