Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
