We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
