Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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