You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
