One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
