i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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