Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize