your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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