no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
