just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
