when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
