just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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