By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
