Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
