So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
