Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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