chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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