I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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