just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
