Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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