he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
