Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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