She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
