haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
