HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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