is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
