one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
