i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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