Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
