i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
