i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
