God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
