You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
