Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
