I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
