Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone shit on the floor
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
