I hate all girls vehemently.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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