I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
