im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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