Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
