NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
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She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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