on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
