She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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