from now on my penis is your penis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
