Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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