Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
