woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
