You're so nebulous sometimes
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
