I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
